catholicteengroup

Could I just ask for your prayers please? I'm going through a really hard time and I'm not even sure how much more I can take.. I don't know what to do anymore.. I've been doing my best to stay strong but I keep crumbling and falling apart inside.. I can't get all the things my dad has told me.. all the things he's done... about how i'm his mistake and that he doesn't care if I live or die and that he doesn't know why he hasn't kicked me out yet.. I can't get those out of my head.. and when I do they always come at the worst times and it's hard to keep the tears back especially in the middle of a conversation.. just having him in the same room brings up so much anger and so much pain.. and now it's affected me so much.. and it hurts and I feel so ashamed to say that family prayers when he's in sight.. or with the sound of his voice.. can't even be called prayers because of all the hurt and anger inside.. it just turns them into mangled words that mean nothing to me.. and I absolutely hate that... I feel so ashamed.. what kind of monster am I becoming?

Awhile ago I locked myself in the closet just to keep from running down the stairs and to knives or to the gun.. the darkness helped.. but.. I don't know how much more of this I can take before the urges become too strong.. but I must stay strong for my family and the few friends that I do have.. once I turned to S.I. because it was too strong.. and now I realize how wrong that was because that could have made the urge so much worse at the sight of blood.. please.. pray for me..

Dear Emily!
I will and have been praying. I want you to know, And i am not just saying this, that you have really touched my life many times when you have written, and you mean alot to me, even though I'v never met you. Please don't ever give up, and when that urge is to strong, Pray! I would recomend reading the sufferings of staint Joshepine Bakita, and ask for her help, she too wanted to kill herself at one stage. I belive strongly God is useing you for something, he needs your sufferings, I don't know what for, but he has chosen you for it.
Emily, I wish there was something more I could do to help you, but be assured that you are in my prays.
God Bless you and protect you.

Thank you. I've been doing my best not to give up, and I'll read them. Thank you so much.